She is having a nap on her bed! I just had a hot tea! A HOT TEA!!!

First time she slept through the night! Yes! It does happen! My boobs were huge and leaking as crazy but oh my she slept through! This is awesome! Even if this is the first and only it’s amazing!

Breastfeeding is such a roller coaster, one day baby wants breast and I cry because I want my boobies back, others she wants bottle and I cry because she doesn’t want me anymore!! I want her to grow and be a happy panda but how do you know what is better for your baby?!

I feel that we are very hard on ourselves sometimes because there is a lot of pressure out there on mums, breastfeeding or not, co-sleeping or not, feed to sleep or not… it looks as if there is no way to win in this blame game, it doesn’t matter what you do, you will always be doing something wrong in the eyes of some “expert”… that is why I decided that we are doing what is best for us and that is it! She is growing and is happy and that is all that matters!

It is incredible how good it feels to talk with other moms about anything! We met a friend on Monday and we went to a ‘Walk and Talk” at West Ham park yesterday and what a great way to connect and feel heard, even if you are just talking about sleep (or lack of)! Hearing others happiness and struggles gives you a perspective about what is going on with you that is almost problem solving! Definitely is something I am needing. Isabela was so puzzle when she saw a baby for the first time!

I’m trying (key word trying!!) to get Isabela to sleep on her day bed during nap time and it’s oh so difficult! How do you know if you are not permanently damaging your baby by letting her cry to sleep for more than 15 minutes just to pick her up when that doesn’t happen? I cried with her! I don’t know how other parents did it! Really, teach me how! I master the art of getting her to sleep without the boob, now I just need to do the swap from my arms to bed! I keep telling myself we will accomplish this when she is ready and meanwhile I can keep binge watching shows.

It’s so interesting how a bad day of naps becomes a hard time falling asleep for my baby girl! I guess it’s like when we are overtired and our body feels like crumbling and you lay in bed without being able to fall asleep but worse, because she doesn’t understand what or why is happening. My poor child! She is such a great baby though!

I miss my mum. This is her second granddaughter and she still hasn’t enjoyed her smiles and laughs and playing with her. She always says how proud and happy she is seeing me in ny new role as a mummy and I just cannot stop thinking on how much I learned from her and how much I still need to and not having her here it makes it so hard! My mother in law it’s awesome and she helps me and teach me also so much, but it’s not my mum.

Today my husband said to his mother how good a mom he thinks I am to Isabela. It felt so good. As a new mom, you doubt yourself so much everyday, is she happy, is she growing, is she learning, am I stimulating her too much, too little… it’s just an unending amount of things you could be doing wrong and yet, hearing someone else saying you are doing great feels like top of the world!

Isabela is getting more and more restless when breastfeeding. I know there is a lot online about the three month growth spurt and that is normal but it does worries me that she is not eating enough. Although, sometimes when we give her formula she doesn’t eat that much then either. I think this is one of the difficulties of this lockdown, if I were to meet with other moms they would be going through the same and we could support each other. It’s so different meeting in person than sending a WhatsApp message.

She fell asleep with a formula bottle… This is very good progress! Hope this last all night so now I can have a rest and write aaaand she is up… that lasted 45 min!